Africans Never Change for Better, they just get worse

Eenghali refers to the mourning period in Oshiwambo. In Otjiherero it is called ombatero. Traditionally, when someone dies, people would camp at the house of the deceased during the mourning period. Apparently they go to show emotional support or to comfort the bereaved family.

The average mourning period is usually between five to ten days, depending on the status of the deceased or the status of the bereaved family. During the mourning period the mourners would just eat, drink and sing hymns that are usually repeated over and over. Cows are often slaughtered for the mourners to eat. The mourners also expect to drink fine drinks. Not water, tea or Oros.

Times has changed for better. But it seems eenghali has only changed for worse. Today don’t be surprised to find a menu at eenghali or at black funeral. Some people even ask for a menu in an informal way. They would ask about the kinds of alcohol that are available at that particular eenghali. To some people, now eenghali sounds like a dinner bell. Today it is no longer about mourning or grieving, it is just about eating and drinking. In other words, eenghali has now become a ‘silent party’ where fake mourners come to party in silence.

In the past, it was understandable for people to camp at the deceased house due to lack of transport in these days. But today it is no longer necessary for so many people to camp. And unlike in the past when cows were plenty and cheap, today cows are very expensive. So many family are left in huge debt after eenghali/the mourning period. But this will only stop if we stop camping for food and puts unnecessary pressure on the bereaved family. Yes, close family and friends might camp. But who will determine who is a true friend or family. In many black communities, when someone dies he suddenly becomes a friend/family of everybody. Even if he only had a few friends or family members when he was alive.

We need to change this culture of turning death into a party. Death should not mean debt either. May be people should only slaughter a cow or two for the funeral. Death is part of us. And it should not be commercialized to the extent that we go to camp even when the house of the deceased is just a short distance away from us.

Funerals are the worst. Funerals have been turned into fashion shows. We hire the most expensive dress just for the funerals. It is no longer about paying respect to the dead. It is just about our egos and status. We buy expensive coffins as if they were spacecraft that would take the dead to heaven. The dead would rot no matter how expensive the coffin is. If we stop buying expensive coffins, surely they will stop making them.

We throw stones at people when they are alive, yet we put flowers on their graves when they are dead. We treat people like paupers when they are alive. Only to treat them like celebrities when they are dead. We treat people like slaves when they are alive. Only to treat them like kings when they are dead. We avoid to talk to people when they are alive. Only to speak at their funerals when they are dead. We curse them when they are alive and forgive them when they are dead. We give advice to the dead and insults those who are alive. We don’t want to be seen with them when they are alive, yet we want to carry their coffins when they dies. We bury the dead in expensive coffins, yet we don’t even visit their graves after the funerals.
We invest in funerals instead of the future. We spend more on how we look like instead of how we live. We went from dressing in animal hides to dressing in the most expensive clothes. Yet we don’t even know how to make these clothes. We want to eat fruits, but we don’t want to plant trees.

Weddings are the worst. We spend years planning a wedding instead of marriage. We had big weddings, yet small marriages. We seek advice on how to have a wonderful wedding but not how to have a wonderful marriage. We hire expensive speakers to speak at our weddings, but none during marriages. We know how to decorate weddings, but not marriages. We know how to treat a boyfriend/girlfriend, yet we don’t know how to treat a husband/wife. We know how to make babies, yet we don’t how to raise them.

We know how to buy luxury cars, yet we don’t learn how to drive them and avoid accidents. And yet we want to build the best airports as if people sleeps at airports.

We boast about how rich, educated and intelligent we are. Yet we don’t use it to change our communities. We call ourselves intellectuals, yet we behave like fools.

We fake our accents in order to sound like white people, yet we don’t even try to think and behave like them. An African would give you alcohol or ask you, ‘what do you drink?’ But a white man would ask you, ‘tea or coffee?’ An African would ask you, ‘where do you work?’ Because to him you are expected to be working for someone. But a white man would ask you, ‘what do you do for a living?’ Because to him a person is expected to make a living, but not necessarily to work for someone.

Many blacks are still dreaming of getting married to white people instead of working and live like white people. So do we really want to remain slaves even in marriages?

We call ourselves leaders, yet we fail to lead. We listen to those who are rich, not to those who have wisdom. We have time to listen to gossip, yet we have no time to read or listen to wisdom. We know how to praise cows, but we don’t know how to make money from them.

We are more patriotic towards other countries than our own. We are more loyal to strangers than our own. An African would rather fly to visit his ‘Facebook friend’ in Europe than the one in Ethiopia.

An African would rather risk his life trying to reach Europe instead of risking his life trying to better his country. We fear our leaders, yet we are not afraid of the sea and its hungry sharks. We had the energy and courage to reach Europe, yet we don’t have the energy neither the courage to develop Africa. Instead of creating our own Hollywood, we die dreaming of going to Hollywood.

We pride ourselves in past glories instead of preparing for the future battles. We wear expensive watches and drive the fastest cars, yet we are the last to arrive at work and meetings. We wear the most expensive suits to work and meetings, yet we don’t do our work and even give the worst speeches.

We sleep on expensive beds, yet we don’t know how to dream. We buy the most expensive spades, yet we don’t know how to use them. We buy the most expensive pens, yet we write rubbish. We pray to God to give us the rain, yet we fail to dig lakes to store the water. We pray the loudest and sing like angels, yet we behave like devils. Instead of working together for the benefits of our communities, we become enemies and starts to slaughter each other like mad men. From music to politics, we slaughter each other like drunken fools. From Tupac Amaru Shakur versus Biggie Smalls to a ‘gangland of evils’ called KwaZulu Natal.

We spend more time gossiping about the ‘Keeping up the Kaxuxwenas’ instead of supporting her endeavors or giving her advice. We allow ourselves to be used as ‘CIA dogs’ and eliminate our great leaders.

We wear the most expensive glasses, yet we fail to see our problems. Yet when others look down on us we want to complain. So which way Africa?

Salom Shilongo